Like Sehlia Goss. The independent woman who wrote this article:
(NOTE: My Comments in bold are not part of the original article)
Does it make you a gold digger because you like nice things and want to be spoiled by your significant other? There's nothing wrong with a woman because she wants the royal treatment from the men she dates.
Does it make her less independent? I don't think so. Independence is a state of being. If you're independent, you know who you are. You don't depend on a man or anyone for that matter to take care of your business (personal or otherwise). But it doesn't mean you don't want love and affection like the next woman.
As much as men confess to want an independent woman, some can't deal with our independence. Why? I've been accused of being independent by several men. One day I asked a guy why he labeled me as such. He pointed out several reasons why: #1 Because I didn't seem to need anything from anybody (at the time I owned my own house, car, etc..) My question to him was "why should I wait on a man to buy a house?" He had no response. #2 Because of my attitude. Now you know mentioning a woman and attitude in the same sentence to a woman will bring out an attitude (smile). I didn't react, I listened to him. He went on to say that I was always nice to him but I had a nonchalant attitude about him and that he had to be the one to initiate the calls, etc. Well, hmm. I said, that I'm from the old school. If a man wants a woman, he should be pursuing her, not me pursuing him. He then went on to point out, that's why he thinks I have an attitude. He was used to women calling him 24/7 apparently. He made a couple of other points but those are the two that I easily recall.
MC: BAM!! Right there! To this I say WTF?!!! Some men want you to call them?? Whaaa??! You guys need to get your act together!
Can a man not deal with a woman who isn't clingy (although they complain they hate a clingy woman)? Is it because they are insecure and the fact that if they are with an independent woman they can't half-step.
MC: Preach it!
I for one still need romance and I like nice things and I like being pampered. Reason being, when I'm in a relationship, my man is pampered. Whatever I give, is what I expect. Being independent doesn't take away from the relationship. A man should be happy that he has a woman who can think for herself and do for herself.
MC: Amen and amen.
To quote Destiny's Child: All the ladies who truly feel me, Throw your hands up at me.
Now, that is one way to look at it. But there are two sides to every story. And so with great hesitency, I must paste this humbling but truthful article by romanceopedia.com...
Liberated But Alone... Okay, so you burned your bras and now you are liberated. Yes, you've gained many freedoms that were previously not acceptable for women.You can ask a man for a date and even be the one who proposes if you decide to do so.You can pursue your own careers and many of you have proven that you are quite capable of leading as well as following.You can drink beer straight from the bottle, go to male stripper shows, smoke cigars, and use any choice cuss word that you want; whereever you want. You are indeed liberated. You've worked hard for it, you've earned it, and no one should deny you what countless generations of your gender have struggled and sacrificed to accomplish. However, none of this makes you necessarily attractive, desired, wanted, or pursued. In fact, should you be one of those women who is caught up in the current trend to act and be "bitchy," doing so actually makes you very unattractive in the eyes of most men. Yes, you say that you can live without men who will not readily accept you should you have a bitchy attitude? Fine. Just realize that you've narrowed the field of men down to a very small minority. Furthermore, any willingness on their part to give in to a woman who feigns equality when really exercising control may be more out of their desparation than any kind of true acceptance. -
MC: My first reaction to this paragraph was "Ha! Was this written by a man?!" *rolls eyes*....
Independent is Good, But... Before you dismiss the rest of this article, please read on. It could very well be that the point being made here will help any female reader gain some needed insight into the workings of the male mind and visa-versa. You see, few males would ever demean a woman who has done well in her chosen career. Most of us enjoy a gal with some spunk. One of this writer's favorite movie scenes is from "Overboard," starring Goldie Hawne and Kirk Russell. Her character joins him for a beer at a redneck bar. When she reaches for her drink, Russell's character states that, "I've always been attracted to women who drink their beer straight from the bottle." The point is that we men enjoy our women in all shapes and sizes and with all of your liberties as well, but we are absolutely turned off and disgusted when you feel that you can only relate to us with an "attitude."
MC: Can we not have an attitude every once in a while? Damn! Give me a break!
- Understand How Men See You... Much like the gay male who overdoes his femininity with flamboyance, we view a female who is overly aggressive, manipulative, demeaning, and indignate in much the same way. There will never be any substitute for the expression true humanity, whether it is demonstrated by a man or a woman. Nothing is more attractive to a male than a liberated woman with a balanced attitude that is genuine and considerate. I happen to work in an environment filled with young adults. Not only that, but I have two grown sons. If overly aggressive women could but hear the disgust for them as these young fellows talk, they would have to reconsider their self-deluded arrogance that demands they portray themselves as bitchy women. Except for whimps, there are few real men who really want anything to do with women who are self-gradiozed and demeaning toward men. These are the same women who revel in denigrating men for their supposed cluelessness. In truth, this issue has less to do with any difference between the sexes and much more to do with whether or not one is going to be a decent human being. I've had the experience of dating a woman who, although she was physically gorgeous, portrayed a superior attitude in all that she said and did. Her response to our four dates together resulted in an e-mail message stating that I was very "basic and simple" and that she was really looking for her "equal." Even if I am basic and simple, the point is that she has obviously taken this attitude toward all men because that was most of the content of our conversations--her thirteen years of dating one "jerk" after another. However, I do think that she deserves her "equal." After all, bitchy guys do exist as well. Like my four-date-nightmare, there are too many women who complain about men not being romantic. The truth is that we guys are very capable of being romantic. It's just that a woman with a self-centered attitude isn't worth the effort on our part. Oh, we'll go to bed with her as long as we can tolerate her barbs, griping, and whining but don't think for one minute that we are going to ever get down on one knee and ask if she would like to wear our engagement ring. No, that request will be saved for a truly liberated woman--the one who is liberated from herself.
MC: All right. All right. I see your point. Some women are a little too over-the-edge bitchy. But sometimes we do that because deep inside we're scared. So thats how we deal with our fears....
Aggressiveness vs. Attraction... In a perfect world, liberated women would be less aggressive and good men would be much more understanding regarding how to treat a woman more as a person than prey. Those couples who are enjoying a truly mutually fulfilling relationship are doing so because they have worked at developing balance, understanding each other, and relearning the simple truth that all of us need to be treated as valued human beings if we are to love truly and feel genuinely loved in return. The world isn't perfect but, then again, each of us has the ability to read just our thinking so that we can bring both maturity and understanding to our own primary relationships. Either that or we'll just have to adapt to being unhappy and very much alone. May every woman experience nothing but the right to be free in every way and do well in whatever they attempt to do with no man-made obstacles to have to confront along the way. That is your right and that is what your fore-mothers worked so hard to accomplish for you. All I am saying here is that some of you are obviously making the mistake of becoming exactly what you have historically hated in men. Don't be a bitch and if you are one, don't blame it on men. Take responsibility for yourselves and be our friends, companions, counterparts, equals, lovers, and partners.
MC: It's all about balance baby.
And last but not least here is a paragraph from one of "Bitch Ph.D" 's blog entries.
Strong women, as we all know, all get called "bitch" sooner or later.
MC: Mhm. Yes we do. But all we're doing is trying to hold our own...we're trying to do something good with our lives and people think we've got attitudes....bleh!
That's the spirit in which I named the blog; and sure enough, there've been a few comments here and there, or references elsewhere on the internets, that say something like "I can see why you call yourself a bitch," usually in reference to something I said where I wasn't going to take someone else's bullshit. We all know a lot of women who will cop to being a "bitch" in this sense, and we've all heard the little jingle about how "BITCH = Babe in Total Control of Herself." The reclaiming of "bitch," I think, refers primarily to this sense: it's a preemptive move that women use to take the wind out of the misogynist sail.
MC: To this I say AMEN SISTA!!!
Goodnight! *wink*
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