Sunday, July 15, 2007

Quarrelings inside my skull

Fear. Such an annoying little feeling. Course, it's a natural reaction. But it stunts your emotional, physical, and professional growth. Like not getting enough sun or drinking enough milk.
They say "Oh it's normal!!! It will cease with time!!". But, you still have to deal with it on a day to day basis. It's still there, lurking in the corner of your brain. Whispering it's coniving little remarks to you with slithery vengance. You listen to it and it controls you. Making every part of your body sick with it's disease. You cannot stop shaking. Sweating. Dwelling. And there's no way to control it. Once you allow it to be listened to, it's there. "I KNOW I can do this!!" You say to yourself. But it's too late. You have already opened it's wretched doors. It flows in like a gas, seeping through every remnant of your mind.

That is what I have gone through these past couple weeks. And I'm tired of it. I have read countless passages of literature on how to control your fear. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of incompetence. And I think I'm on the brink of fighting back. I must train my mind to not listen. To fight back with every ounce of strength I've got.

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